Secretlycrazy in my mind

I am battling depression. I am seeing a therapist, on meds and making an effort to feel better, but I keep feeling worse. I feel ashamed of the fact that I “let” this happen. Trying to desperately figure out what went wrong. What event pushed me over the edge. To no avail.

I have faced some incredibly daunting obstacles in the past three + years. And it was difficult, I knew it was bringing me down, but I still was able to put one foot in front of the other and keep my chin up. Then about 6 months ago, BAM, I feel like my whole life started to unravel, I couldn’t sleep, started gaining weight, not wanting to leave the house, having terrible body aches…..it’s an awful existence. I’m taking anti-depressants, but it’s like they just stopped working. I have now missed 3 therapy sessions in a row, but am scheduled for one tomorrow. I know I’ll actually go, because my mom is going to drop me off and watch my kiddo while I am there.

I just want to get some of this crap out of my head. The only person I have to talk to about ALL of the crazy in my head is my therapist. I have one friend, who lives like 50 miles away. I used to be a very outgoing person, now I’m like a hermit. Afraid to face the world.